My Beef with Fat Acceptance

The path I took to creating this post is sort of an odd one. Last night, as I was contemplating my laziness in the morning and its direct competition with my desire to look pretty, I looked up 5-minute hair tutorials on YouTube. The first one that popped up was from a girl named Eugenia Cooney. She is super adorable and seems really sweet. She is also clearly anorexic.

Several other YouTubers have made videos urging people in the YouTube community who know Eugenia to step in and get her help, because anorexia can be fatal if it goes too far. There may be some boundary issues there, as there frequently are with Internet content, but really this got me thinking about a bigger issue. And that issue is the clusterfuck that has become of the fat acceptance movement.

The fat acceptance movement at its core is something I totally agree with. We should not ever shame people for how they look. Saying to another human being, “You’re disgusting,” is not and will not ever be okay. It’s a step further, however, to say that someone who is obese is beautiful, and that they should accept themselves as they are. Somehow, one weight extreme has become something we should accept, and indeed compliment, while the other extreme remains something that is of concern.

I will speak about women, as I am not a man and know next to nothing about men’s body types and sizes. Very few women are naturally smaller than a size 00 as adults. Very few women are naturally larger than a size 14-16 as adults. I do know some women on both sides of the spectrum who are healthy, but in general I would say this is true. If a woman is skin and bones and looks sickly, families and friends intervene, because that person is not healthy. That person is offered treatment in an eating disorder facility.

But if a woman is obese, we’re supposed to tell her she’s beautiful and accept her body? There are just as many health issues with being overweight as there are with being underweight. They may not be as immediately fatal, but that doesn’t mean that they are not still concerning. And indeed, these health issues later become fatal. My beef with the fat acceptance movement is that it has snowballed past stopping fat shaming; it has now become taboo, and indeed unacceptable, to urge overweight people to get help and get their bodies healthy. Given, there are not (that I know of) inpatient treatment programs for overweight or obese individuals, but there is always help available through therapy, nutrition and diet experts, and support groups. And by the way, obesity is not just the 400-pound person who can't fit in an airplane seat -- America is full of obese people who society has now deemed to be the norm. 

I’m speaking about these issues from the perspective of someone who is overweight (and in fact, medically obese), and who has been told again and again that I have a lovely figure. I’m sick of it. I have a beautiful mind. I have a beautiful heart. I have a beautiful face. I have a beautiful sense of humor. And if someone tells me that I am beautiful, I thank them from the bottom of my heart, because there are many things about me that are beautiful. But I do NOT have a beautiful body because I do NOT take care of it. I’ve been told by so many people that I’ve lost count that in my old pictures from college I look “too skinny.” Apparently “healthy” has become “too skinny.” So many people have discouraged me, both directly and indirectly, from getting back to a healthy weight and figure because our society is so brainwashed into thinking that being fat is okay.

It is not okay. Do I think that random strangers on the street (or on the Internet, for that matter) should be telling obese people or underweight people to get help? Probably not. That’s awkward and weird. But as friends and family, we need to stop encouraging the unhealthy lifestyles of those we hold dear. Compliment them on their hair and makeup. Compliment them on their souls. Compliment them on being awesome. By all means, tell them they’re beautiful, because that word applies to way more than just your body. But please, please stop telling people they have beautiful bodies when they are unhealthy. 

Here are a few things I am NOT saying.

I am NOT saying that there aren’t medical issues that exacerbate weight issues (just like there are medical issues that make it nearly impossible to gain weight). Thyroid disease, PCOS, whatever it may be, there are definitely things that will make you gain weight. But there is nothing that will make someone suddenly become obese. Medical issues that cause weight gain aren’t infinite. People don’t just keep ballooning like that kid in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Medical issues can complicate things, but they are not the end-all be-all cause of obesity.

I am NOT minimizing people’s struggles with weight loss. Believe you me, I know that it is a journey and that it is tough. And if you are trying, good on you. I pat myself on the back for trying. I am taking steps to get back to my HEALTHY college weight (because no, I was not too skinny. I ate properly and exercised and was a normal size for my height and build). If you are trying and struggling, you should be commended and supported in your efforts.

I am NOT saying that fat people are disgusting. Just because your body isn’t healthy doesn’t make you a disgusting person. Do I think obese people’s bodies are beautiful? Sorry, no, I don’t. But I’m not going to sit here and say you’re ugly and gross. That would be mean. I’m not going to sit here and silently judge you, because I have my own struggles and my own past, and again, that would be mean. But am I going to actively go out of my way to tell you that your body is beautiful and that you should accept it? I am not.

I am NOT saying that fat people don’t deserve love and sex. Y’all, we all have needs, and we all deserve to be loved by someone. Beauty is much more than the body we are housed in, and everyone deserves to be with someone who appreciates all of the beautiful things about us.

We ALSO all deserve people who will not enable us in our unhealthy lifestyles.

We are in need of a new movement. Instead of Fat Acceptance, which, despite the core efforts of the movement, has turned into Fat Encouragement, what about Health Encouragement? Health Acceptance? Anti-Body Shaming? 

I’ll be honest: I don’t even know how one would have the difficult conversation about the health concerns of being overweight, even with a loved one. I’m sure it’s not easy to intervene when someone is sick with anorexia either, despite more readily available treatment. I suppose I wouldn’t really know how to have either conversation. But I do think these are conversations we need to have. At the very least, we need to stop encouraging unhealthy lifestyles.

I know this might have been tough to read for some people. My intention is not to offend. My intention is to bring a reality check into this world that is too PC and sensitive for its own good, and to inspire a change in the conversation. Health is beautiful. A conversation and movement about health is one that I can definitely support.