That probably looked like a super hooky
trying-to-get-your-attention introduction line. But actually it was just me
clearing out phlegm from my Swole AF bronchiole tubes. I’m sick; I constantly
sound like I’m trying to get your attention.
Usually, I love attention. I’m the hammiest ham that ever
hammed. But being sick doesn’t make you look so hot. Stop staring at me,
grocery clerk, I’m well aware that my face is the color of dirty white
converses and that my hair is plastered to my scalp! Just let me pay you for my
damn mucinex and go home to watch yet another rerun of America’s Next Top
Model. In bed. With a heating pad.
It was a special treat coming into work (when I could) last
week without any make up on. I felt super confident sporting the odd ring of
breakouts around my nose caused by tissue irritation. Who doesn’t want a pimple
exactly in the middle of the fold between their nostril and their cheek? It’s
everything I’ve been waiting for.
If you didn’t catch my super fun acne circle, you may have been
assaulted by the “vague plague” smell. You know, the scent of infection with
just a hint of chicken soup and the remnant of a saltwater gargle. Boy, if I
could bottle it.
I’m not sure how you could miss the spiral of spots or the tubercular
aroma, but if you did, the dead giveaway is the man-goose-whore voice – that
voice that’s a little honky tonk, a little slutty, and a whole lotta burly man
beard. For the past week it's been, "Hi Kelly!" "Hey guys!" "Oh, you sound awful." Ah. Yes. I had no idea.
What you can't see (or hear) (or smell) is that every muscle from my neck to my hips is SCREAMING. I tell ya, if you're looking for an addition to your abs day or your back day or even your shoulder day, I would definitely recommend a coughing circuit. Shit, get crazy, make it a combo move! The lunge & cough, coming soon to a fitness class near you. The best HIIT you'll ever do.
We’ve all been there, so, you know…just don’t judge me for
my converse complexioned, oily haired, zit clustered, plague scented, Janis
Joplin/Al Pacino/Clint Eastwood sounding self. It’s temporary. And hey, silver lining, I'm totally getting ripped in the mean time. I'ma be as swole as my bronchiole tubes. #lunge&cough
