OOTD Log: The time I got struck by a vehicle

Hello friends.

So, as most or all of you may know already, I added an experience to my life today. I got hit by a car. An SUV actually, that was travelling at approximately 20-30 mph. And when I say I got hit by a car, I mean me. Myself. I was not in my car. Or any car. I was just walking along.

Here's what happened:

We begin looking North down Donahue in Auburn, AL. In the distance, Mama G's beckons students to consume shockingly calorie-laden nachos. Pan left. There's me! I'm just trying to cross Donahue on Heisman drive to go get lunch with my boyfriend before class.

First person view. All of the lights seem to be red at this intersection...but wait, a Tiger Transit is pulling out to turn onto Donahue...so the light facing me should be green too...maybe that light is still red just because no one pushed the cross button? The light on my side is still green....I guess I'll go for it.

Third person view, me running across the street.

Pan left, the light looking North on Donahue has turned green as I'm halfway across the cross walk.

First person view, Shit, better run fast to make that last five feet.

Pan right, speeding SUV.

Pause. Question. Why was this dude speeding up? A) The light was red not two seconds before and therefore he should have been slowing down...right? And B) I know that I'm technically in the wrong here (and I already feel like enough of an idiot, so don't even start with me!) but I was wearing a bright orange T-Shirt...this dude must have been seriously distracted.

Play. First person view, Great, now this asshole is just gunning it to scare me cause he's all pissed off that I was still crossing when his light turned green. Wow, he's really coming fast. Holy shit he's not slowing down. Oh my god. He doesn't see me. I'm about to get hit by a car.

Third person view, I get nailed on my right side, fly into the air, spin around, and land on my right side. Body goes into what I assume is shock or adrenaline overload or something, because when I next realize what is happening, I'm on my back with my hands and feet in the air turtle style and this dude in a construction vest is standing over me asking if I'm OK.

First person view, I can't speak. Cannot. Form. Words. My elbow hurts fucking bad. My ankle feels funny. Wiggle hands and feet about. Everything seems to be working. I didn't hit my head...how? My backpack! Oh Jesus Lord, bless you, backpack. 

Third person view, traffic is stopped up to about ten cars now, but no one is in any of those cars because they've all gotten out to come see if I'm OK. Which was weirdly embarrassing for me...

Everyone is asking if I need an ambulance. "Please, god no," I tell them, "I'm fine, really. I'm just shaken up."

First person view, a cop shows up. They help me move myself from the road to sit in the shade of a tree. After a few minutes, my body starts coming to its senses and I realize I'm ITCHY.

"Hey, I know this might seem ridiculous, but I'm allergic to grass....so...I'm gonna go sit on the concrete."

Cop says OK, I move. Look down and realize my ankle is bleeding and starting to drip. I pull out my water bottle and start pouring what little is left on it. Some blessed lady goes to her car and gets me some tissues. I blot at it for a while but it hurts like hell so I just kind of sit there.

Cop starts asking me questions. I have trouble answering because, you know, I'm crying and also shaking everywhere.

I call my boyfriend. He runs all the way across campus (stopping to get more water as per my request to clean my wounds) to come meet me. He freaks out when he sees me because he thought I was in a car when I got hit and he suddenly realizes that I was, in fact, not.

I keep pouring water on my ankle. People around me keep talking to each other about what they saw like I'm not even there. Cop finishes accident report. The large lady who was actually driving the car apologizes. I say I'm all good. Boyfriend goes to get my car so we can go to the med clinic. I get in, shut the door, and promptly start bawling.

Who the hell does this kind of shit happen to???

Whatever. I'm gonna have an excellent party anecdote.

In all seriousness, this was actually the scariest thing that ever happened to me. The moment right before impact and the actual impact was terrifying. And I cried a lot and it hurt a lot, but I'm OK. I don't know how, but I escaped with minor scrapes, bruises, and some swelling. I'm seriously lucky.

The nurse at the med clinic was a dick, but that's a story for another time, and something which will be documented in my "AUMC patient review" for that visit.

And now I'm hanging out here all by myself, cause everyone is busy or not here. And I want some fucking ice cream. So I'm gonna get my bruised ass in my car and go to Bruster's.

Boosh.

On cowlicks

Please enjoy this rant regarding cowlicks. 

Politically Incorrect

Yesterday, my lovely and wonderful red-haired roomie shared with me this blog post: CLICK ME! and suggested I might have fun writing a response to it on this here blog.

Said red-head and I have similar views on most things political and social, and this was no exception. We both thought it was absolutely ridiculous.

If you don't feel like reading it (although it is rather short, if you want to have a go), it basically discusses modesty and why it's a virtue. As is typical in the south, the subject gets tied in with the bible and religion. The author states that dressing modestly shows what type of person you are, and further states that dressing immodestly as a woman is a temptation to men.

As you may remember, I did touch on this subject a while back, saying (in essence) that I didn't understand why girls got mad if boys hit on them/stared at them when they're wearing revealing clothing, and that I wear revealing clothes because hey, I like boobies, and everyone should appreciate them. So this is sort of an expansion on that I guess.

Here are my first reactions to the post:

1) This is one of those things that just gives Christians a terrible reputation. The post and most of the comments are SUPER judgmental and condescending.

2) Really?

3) .....really???

This is my favorite part: 

"Guys aren’t the only ones who can lose respect for a woman who dresses immodestly. I personally have a really hard time hearing any kind of advice from a woman who dresses for that kind of attention. If you consistently fail to present yourself in a way befitting a lady who professes to worship God (1 Timothy 2:9-10) how can I trust your advice on matters of the heart?"

You can't. If you can see any part of my boobs I am not to be trusted. And if you can see more than half of my thighs, well, then you KNOW you can't take anything I have to say about relationships seriously.

Or maybe I'm just a normal fucking person who felt like wearing a v-neck and shorts. 

I dunno, Timothy, which one is it? 

Of course, I personally think ole Tim here was including more than just way of dress in his definition of self-presentation. 

Another favorite quote: 

"If you are unsure about some of the clothing in your closet, please seek some godly counsel."

Are you serious?? We can't make our own choices about clothing?? We have to go to our damn church and say, "Excuse me reverend, but could I ask your opinion on my pleather skirt?"

No. Just, no. There is no need to ask god about this. Once your parents stopped having to dress you, that's when it became time for you to make your own decisions.  

Ok, now onto boys.

Why is it a big deal to have a lustful thought? Why? Sex is a COMPLETELY NORMAL THING THAT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL TO THINK ABOUT, and if a man were to see a pair of excellent titties, it's NORMAL to think, "Gee, I sure would like to know what those feel/look like." 

And that's offensive?

It's not like they're going to stalk you and follow you home and stare into your windows at night hoping for a peek at those wonderful breasts. It's just a passing thought. He's more than likely not even going to say or do anything about it. So calm the hell down.

I, as a completely straight woman, am an avid admirer of other women. I think we are sexy as hell, and I can appreciate a hot bod as much as any man. Ask any of my friends. I talk about boobs and their awesomeness all the time. Does that make me a shitty person? No. The human body is beautiful and amazing and so incredible, and if you want to make that even more apparent by going extreme wearing a thong and nipple stickers in public, fucking DO IT. 

Or if you're more comfortable in a push up bra and a pair of shorts with a 3-5" inseam, do that.

Or if you want to dress like you are Mother Theresa, rock that frock, baby.

But don't get your granny panties all in a twist if you see a little boobage, OK? 

I am the first one to say that the way you dress is of the utmost importance because it makes a first impression, and there are obvious times when you definitely should dress modestly. It's just that wearing a low-cut top once in a while doesn't make me a shitty friend or someone not to be trusted.

It just does not.  

And I'm not going to bother myself with getting someone else to OK my clothing choices. 

That is all. Rant over. Enjoy your night. <3

Midget stories

Hellooo helloooo helloooooooo!

That was supposed to be sung in a major triad, but I guess that doesn't really come across through text.

Today I have a special treat for you. I have written a series of midget stories about the lives of the good college folk who live in Creekside. I hope that it will give you a glimpse into the daily lives of the people I call my neighbors.

Introducing Jenna

Hey, so....I'm Jenna. I'm 18 and I just got an apartment and I'm in college and I am just soooo excited to be an adult!! I am so grown up. I'm not even living with my parents anymore, that's how grown up I am. I have, like, responsibilities and shit. Ok, I know my parents pay my rent. Ok, ok, they pay for everything. And yeah, I guess I don't really know how to keep my place clean. Isn't it normal to eat and drink on your porch and then leave all your shit out there?? What are bills??

Jenna Throws a Party

It was 11 p.m. on a Tuesday, and Jenna was bored. 

"Hey, wanna invite some people over?" she asked her roommates.

"Sure, it's not too late! Tell them to come over at midnight!"

So Jenna called 40 of her closest friends and they all came over at midnight that Tuesday to party. 

They blared their music and turned the bass up so loud that it was shocking the place didn't just fall to the ground. They drank their bud light and got shwasty. Then when they were nice and drunk, around 2 a.m., they went into the street and yelled about nothing in particular.

"OH MY GOD THIS IS SO COOL," Jenna said, quite loudly.

"HELL YEAH!!" her fratty friend Jake replied, smashing an empty beer can on his head. 

It was so fun staying up late and making noise that they didn't even care about the people in Kazakhstan who were being kept awake by their ruckus.

They were heading back inside when some girl came to the door in her pajamas.

"Hey guys...I was just wondering if you could turn it down a little," the poor girl pleaded, "It's a week night at 2:30 a.m. and I have class tomorrow morning."

"Oh yeah, sure, no problem!!" Jenna said sweetly. 

The girl left. Jenna turned around and said, "Ok, turn the music down for, like, five minutes, and then we'll CRANK it again like nothing ever happened!!!"

Everyone hollered and screamed because that was the greatest idea they had ever heard. 

And so the party went. And no one went to class the next day.

My parents are paying for this college thing, so it's not on me if I don't go to class! Jenna thought as she went to bed at 5.

Jenna Goes to the Pool

It was the weekend, and Jenna was bored.

"Hey, do we have any bud light?" Jenna asked her roommates.

"We always have bud light!!" her roommates replied.

And so they gathered their beer and put it in a cooler and went to the pool.

It was 90 degrees outside, and none of them had been drinking anything but beer, but it was OK because they got in the pool, which is made out of water, so they weren't dehydrated right??

Jenna finished her fifth beer and looked around, confused.

"The only trash can is all the way by the pool gate!! Where the hell do I put my beer??"

Jenna didn't want to get out of the pool.

"Just throw it in the pool! Nobody cares!" said her fratty friend Jake.

Jenna had never heard a better idea.

"What about my cigarette?" Jenna asked.

"Throw that in too when you're finished!"

That Jake sure knew what he was talking about. 

Jenna and her friends sat at the pool all day long in the sun and the heat drinking nothing but beer and smoking cigarettes and throwing their trash in the pool, and it was the best. Day. Ever. 

The End.

I hope you enjoyed my stories. They are very strongly based in reality.

I cannot wait to move out of this stupid apartment complex.