Dumb Dentist

If you've been keeping up with me on Facebook, then you may know that I've had some trouble with my teeth recently. I hadn't been to the dentist in two years because of my family's move to Chattanooga and my resulting laziness in finding a new dentist either at home or at school.

I finally made an appointment because one of my lower right molars had been hurting for a month or so, and it looked like it had a little hole in it. There's a dental office at the end of my street that I pass every day I go to school, so I figured I would call them. From the first phone call, there were so many signs that this was not the best dentist, and of course I ignored them. A synopsis:

Phone call: I call dentist about five minutes before they close to make an appointment. After we make the appointment, I apologize for calling so late. She says, "That's okay, I'm just happy I'll have something to do tomorrow."

Do you not usually have things to do? Just how many patients do you guys have?

First appointment: Get X Rays done. Dentist comes in, and before she even introduces herself, she says, "Well, it looks like you might need a root canal." Good. Fabulous start. Dentist also attempts to explain my dental situation using technical terms, and I stop her halfway through and say, "You're going to have to start over, because I did not understand anything you just said."

I'm a patient, dude. I don't know anything about dentistry (well, I do now, because I've researched it...but I didn't then). You gotta use layman's terms here.

She informs me that I have five teeth that need fillings.

I just realized that they never asked for X Rays from my previous dentist. I feel like that usually happens...am I crazy?

Second appointment: The goal is to fill all of the teeth on my right side. Dentist ends up having to give me three shots because I'm apparently very difficult to numb. She keeps making little quips about how I'm making it take forever, blah blah blah. We only get through one filling—the one that was hurting me.

Post-appointment, I'm in a little bit of pain. My jaw hurts and my tooth is really sensitive. So I call back and they tell me that this is normal, because keeping your mouth open for a long time and block injections will both cause soreness, and sensitivity can be expected for up to six weeks because of the amount of tooth that needed filling (it was a three-surface filling).

Why didn't you tell me that in the first place??

The receptionist says that the dentist should have told me to expect this, and to take some pain killers before the numbness goes away.

She did not. She did not tell me. I did not take pain killers. Well, I did, but not until way after the numbness was gone.

Third appointment: Dentist hits me in the lip with the needle while putting the syringe in my mouth, then blames this on me. She says, "Sometimes, if you don't open your mouth far enough, the needle can get caught." My lip begins to go numb.

Why didn't you ask me to open my mouth wider??

Fourth appointment: I wait for half an hour after my appointment time until Dentist finally comes in. She numbs me and leaves again to let it set in. While numbing, she begins talking to her assistant about getting drunk with her friends. Really?

Dentist also hits a capillary accidentally while numbing and tells me that I will be sore because the tissue is bruised now.

Wait another half an hour. Dentist finally comes back in and rushes through doing my last two fillings in half an hour. She doesn't wait for the numbing medication to fully set in on the bottom before beginning drilling. The cavity was shallow, so I didn't really feel anything, but it was still really weird. I didn't get fully numb until I was checking out.

Also, the assistant kept handing Dentist the wrong tools and things when she asked for them. This happened I think three times.

Before I go, I tell her that one of my teeth feels pokey, and she says, "Pokey? That's weird," like I'm making this shit up or something. But she looks and sees that it is indeed pokey and shaves it down a bit. It still feels kind of funny, like there's a weird edge to it, but it doesn't hurt or anything so whatever.

That brings us to today, when I was eating pretzels and then noticed that the formerly pokey filling was no longer there. There is currently a gaping hole on the inside surface of my top left back molar. I called the office and told them, and they couldn't get me in today.

I don't know why I called, because it's not like I'm ever going back to them, ever ever ever ever. I'm going to go to my family's dentist in Chattanooga on Friday, hopefully, if they can fit me in.

Until then, I have to chew on my right side and rinse every time I eat.

No worries. I'll just be chillin' here with my swiss cheese molar.

Just Call Me Lemony Snicket

Unbelievable. Insane. Ridiculous. Absolutely 100 percent STUPID. These are all things I would use to describe the series of unfortunate events that has occurred in my life over the past few weeks.

Let’s review.

3 weeks ago: Bitten by a brown recluse spider. Ankle swells to twice its normal size. Takes a week to return to normal.

2 weekends ago: Robbed at gunpoint Saturday. In addition, kitten pees on bed when I get home because I had moved his litter box too quickly. Wash bedding Sunday. Email professors and receive extensions on papers. Do nothing for several days. Get behind in all classes. Skip class Tuesday because kitten again pees and poops on clothes and cannot deal with life. Soak clothes overnight in enzyme solution and water and then launder on Wednesday.

Thursday, September 25: Birthday. Universe grants me a brief grace period. Eat tacos. Drink margaritas. Play cards against humanity. Generally have an excellent time.

Four days ago: Receive four more spider bites while studying outdoors at coffee shop. One swells to the size of a doughnut. Not a doughnut hole, the actual whole doughnut. Spend night icing thighs and fighting urge to itch.

Today, 8:30: Wake up late. Eat cereal bar in car.

Today, 9:15: Park in city parking garage. Practicum interview at 9:30. Interviewer is amazing and we spend three hours talking about random shit. She offers me a practicum position (yay!). Forget about therapy appointment at noon. Therapist says she will have to charge me. Also, it is 45 degrees and gusting wind and I am in a skirt.

Today, 12:30: Leave interview to get lunch before my 1:30 meeting. Tell parking garage attendant that my meeting went longer than expected and I only brought enough cash for one hour. Attendant will not let me leave garage. Tells me I must either find an ATM or call someone to bring me money. First incidence of public crying. Find pizza restaurant and ask tearfully for ten dollars. Angel man gives me ten dollars. Pay for parking. Forget receipt. Attendant brings me receipt and opens gate, tells me to have a nice day. Do not look her in the eyes. I am free.

Today, 1:15: Barely make it to meeting. No time to eat lunch. Have not eaten in five hours. Cereal bar was digested at appx. 9:30. Meeting lasts one hour. Cancel second practicum interview.

Today, 2:45: Arrive home. Eat chicken and rice. Put on sweatpants. Watch Netflix. Planning on napping. Cat is acting funny. Smell poop. Go to check litterbox, notice the closet door is shut. How long has it been shut? Long enough for cat to pee thrice and poop once on comforter, which soaked through quilt, flat sheet, and fitted sheet. Thank goodness for my waterproof bed pad. Make mental note to self to close bedroom door when I am not home.

Today, 4:15: At Laundromat to once again wash cat waste out of my bedding. Ask attendant if she has change for a 20 because machine does not accept $20 bills. While she looks for change, the front door blows open due to horrific wind and I go to close it. Somehow, wind blows large clock off wall. Clock falls and hits me on top of the head. Second incidence of public crying. Attendant asks if I need medical assistance. I tell her I’ve just had a rough day.

The universe is testing me. And I am failing.