The Day I Met Satan: OOTD Log

Let me tell you about an even that has occurred. And yes, we're back into the general hilarity that is my life and moving away from the deep blogs of deepness that are deep.

The date is April 23, which means that the end of the semester is approaching. I've never been so excited for something to end. I'm sick to death of these stupid grad school core classes and writing papers and doing massive projects about things that just don't fucking apply to me AT ALL.

End of the semester means two things: I'm lazy and I'm tired. I just really don't feel like doing much of anything. But some things ya gotta do. Laundry is one of those things.

So I took myself down to good ole Demun Cleaners a few days ago because I'm not about to climb down four flights of stairs every half hour to do a load of laundry in my dungeon basement when I can do it all at once at a laundromat. I parked my car out front, grabbed my basket and my detergent and whatnot, and I went inside. So far, so good. I separated colors, like you do, and I put my dark load into washer number 3.

And that, children, was a terrible mistake.

You see, on this day, washer number 3 was possessed by Actual Satan. In fact, for the purposes of this story, I will refer to washer number 3 as Beelzebub.

So I loaded my things into Beelzebub and sat down at a nearby table to work on the various projects and papers that will be of no use to me in my social work career. There I was, working away, and I looked up to see Beelzebub leaking a bit. This was concerning to me, so I got the attendant (who, thank god, was still there at 5:30 p.m.). She went to the breaker box to turn Beelzebub off, but apparently didn't know which breakers controlled which washers, and I feel like maybe that's something you should know if you work in a laundromat. Just saying.

While she was diddling around on the breaker board, Beelzebub grew angrier and angrier and was basically just releasing a river at this point. Laundromat Lady finally figured out how to turn him off before ultimate disaster struck, but then she did something so dumb it's unbelievable.

Laundromat Lady walked over to Beelzebub and OPENED THE FREAKING WASHER DOOR.

If I could use one word to describe what happened when she unleashed Beelzebub, that word would be "Titanic." You know the scenes when the water is rushing down the stairs or down hallways and just seems utterly unstoppable? It was like that.

She flooded the whole damn laundromat. To put the cherry on top of this shit show sundae, I was stuck in the middle of this flood wearing flip flops, and the floor is tile. It was just a treat trying to transfer my clothes out of Beelzebub and into a more Godly washer while gingerly stepping through an inch of water and wearing slippery shoes.

Let it be known that I did not fall one single time. Not once.

And that's the story of the fateful afternoon when I stared the devil right in the face.

Good ole Beezy Bubs. Do not use washer number 3.