Regarding Vomit

Here's a fun thing I have: Emetophobia. I didn't know it had a name until recently, but basically it's a phobia of vomit—the verb or noun version. It's actually pretty annoying, and can really impair your life, but as per usual I'm going to attempt to turn a terrible thing into a hilarious thing.

Nobody likes puke. It's not like there's someone out there who feels a rumble in their tummy and runs to the bathroom like, "YES THIS COULD BE THE TIME." Shit, maybe there is a person like that. You never do know.

But you get my point. Vomiting is not an inherently fun activity, whether it's you or someone else doing it. It hurts and it's smelly and not very tasty. So what is it like to be sick to your stomach when you have a phobia of being sick to your stomach?

Basically I spend my whole life fearing it, which is an absolutely ridiculous thing. I typically avoid activities that could induce vomiting, such as drinking too much or eating copious amounts of food at once or vigorous physical activity or prolonged periods of time spent in heat. If my stomach makes even the slightest rumble, I'm already starting to sweat. I then become the Jason Bourne of barfing. I become hyper aware and within moments can locate the closest bathroom or trash can or other appropriate receptacle just in case terror does strike.

Of course, the vast, VAST, majority of the time, a tummy rumble does not equal need to purge. Tummies make noises and do weird shit all the time. But in my poor emetophobic mind, it is already a catastrophe.

The truly delightful thing is when the panic sets in. When I have a panic attack, my whole digestive tract just flips the fuck out. It's super fun because it becomes a vicious cycle. Tummy rumble-->panic-->nausea-->panic-->nausea. It's a real party.

The truly truly especially excellently delightful thing is when I am actually sick, and it's not in my head. Because then it's like, "AHA, confirmation bias! See, I was actually sick!! Oh no...THIS COULD HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. OH GOD." And so starts the relentless worrying all over again.

There is, however, a brief period of reprieve that I experience every time I do actually get sick. I sort of have a moment there on my bathroom floor and think to myself, "Huh, well that wasn't actually the WORST thing in the world," but that rational thought leaves as quickly as it comes in and the phobia returns to its throne.

Vomit is a really, really stupid thing to be afraid of. I mean, I would say that I worry more about my stomach more than I worry about, say, getting mugged again when I'm out at night. That's not normal. But I know I'm not the only person with this odd fear.

I find it somewhat funny that I talked about fear and the ability to conquer things you've already experienced in my last post and specifically made reference to the stomach flu. *Sigh* I guess I should take my own advice.

Veni Vidi Vici, Vomit.