I studied abroad!

Oh hey.

So I'm back home in good ole Knoxvegas, TN. And although I started writing this post while I was in the Vienna airport (because strangely, even though like nowhere in Europe has free wifi, the airport did), I wasn't quite finished. So here are some of the lovely insights about myself and people/things and general that I have discovered while abroad.

About me:

1. I can study abroad. I did it! I worked through my anxiety, which as you all know was horrifically terrible the first week, and it ended up being amazing. I am so freaking proud of myself I can't even tell you.

2. Although I suck with directions in terms of orienting myself and actual NESW directions, I can figure out public transportation like nobody's business. Even in a country where I didn't speak the language (Hungary). Also very proud of myself for that, because seriously, I am directionally challenged. It's sad.

3. I'm going to be able to deal with my anxiety for the rest of my life, because if I can get through studying abroad, sans my safety blanket of family and boyfriend, I can do anything. New city? Whatever. Trying to enter the work world? It's whatever. I have confidence in me! (Julie Andrews, goddess...inspired by our Sound of Music tour in Salzburg)

About other things:

1. Air conditioning is the most beautiful thing in the world. Say it with me: Thank you, America, for your choice to keep your population cool even when it is 98 degrees outside. And yes, it is a choice, because AC is readily available and not so difficult to install.

2. You can find friends anywhere you go. The only person I was friends with before coming on this trip was Jennie. And now I have a bunch of new friends that I suppose I can pencil in to my busy schedule. Kidding. But for reals, I met some pretty bitchin' people on this trip. And I love them all and I was very sad to leave them and now we must hang out when we get back to Auburn.

3. Drinking in excess: I don't get it. I never have and I don't think I ever will. I'm gonna say that probably half the group was interested in spending a good portion of their time going out and getting shwasted. I find this ridiculous for a few reasons:

• If your parents spend upwards of $4,000 (plus airfare and any side trips) to send you to Europe for a study abroad program, I would think that you would want to spend more time on said program.
• Why would you choose to study abroad if you're just going to drink your time away? You could just as easily take a European vacation, and it would probably be less expensive and not affect your GPA.
• It costs a lot of money. I heard so many people complaining, like, "Oh god, I can't believe how much money I spent last night." It could just be spent better.
• CALORIES. Also heard a bunch of folks being all upset about how much weight they'd gained. I mean, yeah, the food is great, but we were walking around a ton. For a comparison, I definitely ate just as much as everyone else, and I tried my share of beers (but not, you know, six liters at a time. More like...half a liter), and I have in fact lost weight.
• The pride. People go around and talk about their drinking escapades like they're so proud of what they've done. Examples of some of the escapades people in our group experienced: "I spent more than a hundred Euros last night" "I puked on a table and tried to wipe it off but the waiter saw so I got kicked out" "I peed inside a building somewhere" "I peed on the street" "I passed out at the bar" Just, why? Why is that so funny and fun to recount? It's dangerous, and it's hurting your body, and it's disgusting. I love me some beer, and wine, and GOD I love mojitos, but I have one. And I'm not in debt and I'm not 10 pounds heavier.

4. Smoking. I've been to Europe twice before, and I remembered there is just cigarette smoke everywhere, but being there for five weeks it was really bad. Cigarette smoke really irritates my throat and nose, and the more I thought about smoking, the angrier I got. Because here's the thing: if you want to kill yourself, whatever. But when you smoke a cigarette, you're hurting everyone around you. There are so many studies that state how dangerous second-hand smoke is, and I don't understand how something that harms others around you can be legal. My lungs are probably worse for the wear after these past weeks, and I had no choice in the matter. That doesn't seem fair. Smoking should be illegal in public, period, even outside, because most times you just can't avoid it. If you want to smoke, you can do it in your own home. Or in those enclosed smoking lounges they have in Europe...maybe they should make that a thing in the U.S. I also don't understand why people smoke in general. You know how bad it is for you, it smells awful, it makes you smell and taste awful, and it doesn't make you look cool. If you need to calm down, drink some tea or if it's really bad (I understand, trust me) get a prescription, yo. 

So yeah! That's my reflection-ish thing about my trip : )

Oh, also, I didn't tell you about my last weekend. We went to Salzburg and did all of the things. But the best thing was the zoo. Apparently they just like don't believe in cages because most of the fences were knee-high and animals were just kind of jumping around all over the place. Which was seriously awesome. 

But the best part was that we got to see a brown bear like WAY up close. Not through glass, like in my zoo, but over another tiny fence (although there was a small lake in between the bears and the fence), and he went for a swim and it was ADORABLE. 

LOOK AT HIM. 

He was so freaking cute. He was my friend. My mom said he kept looking at me because he wanted to eat me for dinner, but I know better. My bear buddy!!

Hungary, the seat of evil

It's kind of been a while....sorry about that. I had no internet this weekend, and since I got back I've been unbelievably busy preparing for my finals.

So my mom and brother came last week. It was SUPER awesome to see them : ) I'm so glad they got to come visit me! They've been working off their jet lag by walking all over Vienna, and now their feet and legs are sore...that was me my first week and a half. And now my calves are MONSTERS. Seriously. I mean, they were pretty strong before, but now their ginormous, and this effect is intensified by the fact that my ankles are so small I can wrap my hands around them and touch my fingers. And my hands are really small. So, yeah, I have like a mountain range on my legs, which makes it extremely difficult to shave...

Maybe I'll just have to go European on everyone and ditch the razor.

So we went to Budapest on Friday morning, and for some reason (unbeknownst to me), our travel agent told my mom it was cheaper for three people to get first class train tickets. Which isn't true...but hey, we had a bitchin train ride. SO much foot room. 

And Budapest was....interesting. First off, the city is suuuuper dirty. And after staying in one of the cleanest cities in Europe for a month, that was a huge shock. Half our money was spent on water bottles.

Also, the people were assholes. They were so rude to us. Every single restaurant we went to we were ignored. On our last day, we watched three other tables eat and pay before we even got our appetizers. It made me wonder how we treat tourists in America. Now, with the whole immigration thing, I've always been kind of irked. Because if you're going to come LIVE in a country, you should at least know enough of the language to get around. But I don't know that I've ever really interacted any tourists in America. I guess I see them when I'm in New York city, but I've never seen anyone be outwardly rude to them or ignore them completely. 

It was just so frustrating. Tourists bring money to your country, so the last thing you should be doing is making them feel unwelcome. Which they did. And thanks to that, Budapest, you will not get any more of my money. 

On a positive note, though, we did see some awesome stuff. My favorite was a museum that had a photography exhibit and an exhibit about the Indians in the Amazon rainforest (and a Hungarian culture exhibit that we didn't go through). Such a random mix, but it was fascinating. The photography exhibit had pictures that this guy took of people in their houses in Southeastern Europe. Every single photo told a story. You could see the people's lives in their faces, in every wrinkle or every laugh line, in their clothes or their possessions. It made me remember why I love photography so much, but especially why I love to shoot people. A photo really is worth a thousand words.

The Amazon exhibit had the biggest beetles I've ever seen. I thought the one we found in our room was big, but I about shat myself when I saw the elephant beetle, which is the size of my entire hand. Ugh. 

And the food. OH the food. Even though we had to wait a million years for it, it was so so SO good. My mom and I had a traditional Hungarian pork dish with "flour pellets," which were kind of these little noodle-potato things. Idk but it was great. And I drank a wine called "Bull's blood," so named because the Hungarians used to believe it would give you super strength. (Interesting side note: that's actually what wine was originally used for. People thought it made you work harder, so rich people gave it to their servants/slaves/workers or whatever, like, all the time. Irony.)

So...yeah. That was my weekend.

I'ma bring you guys some reflections on the trip soon...it may be after I get back depending on when I can get free wifi again. But it is coming. And I am coming home in 5 days!!!! I cannot WAIT to see my daddy and my boyfriend : ) 

Bis später! Wünsch mich viel Spass in Salzburg!

And then we got on the wrong train

Hallo meine Lieben! 

I have a story for you. It's a good one. I have added it to my inventory of excellent stories involving getting lost in foreign countries. 

A brief overview of the others: I sailed around Venice twice, on one boat without a ticket, before finally finding my way back to the trains. Incidentally, I was with my roommate on this trip, Jennie, or Jennaynay, who I was also with on this trip's story. I also ran like the wind for a tram in Florence which ended up being the wrong tram and blah.

SO.

This past weekend we went to Munich. And Jennaynay and I wanted to go see Neuschwanstein (the castle they modeled the disney castle after) on our free day, Saturday. So we were planning on making the 8:04 train, but got to the station at like 8:15. So we got tickets for the 8:50 train. Also, you need to know that this weekend they were doing construction on all the S-Bahns (like streetcars, but underground, but not the U-Bahn, which is the subway...I know, it's confusing) and so all the S-Bahns were running on the regular train tracks. So we got to our track, and our train comes in and on the side it says S6 Tützing, which is an S-Bahn. And we hesitated, but on the sign above the platform it said it was our train to Füssen. So we got on.

Then we went to the end of the S6 line and realized, OK, they really did put us on the wrong train. (Which is idiotic, because of all people the folks at the information desk should know how to work around the construction). And there were two other groups of people around us going to the same place, and so when the conductor walked by we booked it after him. But he made it into his little room before we could get to him. I considered knocking, and then two guys sitting by the door asked us if we were going to Neuschwanstein. Turns out we all had the same problem. And we had to go back 30 minutes to the stop three stops from where we'd first started to transfer. Awesome. 

So we made friends with the two guys sitting by the door, Tom and Anthony, who were both Canadian but didn't know each other before they met at a hostel. And also these three guys meeting in Munich because that's where their company's headquarters were. Nit was from Tokyo, Gerald was from Atlanta, and Roger was from Chicago. 

And we got to the stop, Passing, and went to the info window to get new tickets. And we had just missed the 9:50 train so we had to wait for the 10:50 train. So we got burger king and hung out for an hour.

When we FINALLY got to Neuschwanstein, two hours later than planned and after riding on one train that smelled like butts and had no bathroom and another train whose AC was on arctic blast (not that I'm complaining too much after that heat wave...), we looked out the window to find that it was completely covered in scaffolding. 

WUNDERBAR.

But it actually ended up being super cool, because the guys were awesome and we just walked around with them the whole afternoon. We hiked up to the other castle nearby and walked around on some trails, and I got some awesome pictures. 

So yeah. That's the story. Here are some pictures:

Looking out the train window when we finally got on the right damn train.

Jennaynay and Nit

Me and Roger

Gerald is extremely excited about petting this horse

Looks like a freakin' postcard, right??

The end!!

I hope you enjoyed, friends. My mom and brother will be here tomorrow, and I am so so so SOOO excited!! We are off to Budapest this weekend and Salzburg next weekend. I will keep you updated on whatever other adventures may occur.

Bis bald!

Good news! (She's DEAAAD! The witch of the West is dead!)

I have good news for you, friends! I had a WONDERFUL weekend in Prague, or Praha as it's called in Czech. I had a few anxious moments, but it was overwhelmingly excellent. By the way, completely off the subject, but in the middle of writing that first sentence a bee flew into my neck quite violently and scared the shit out of me. So now I have abandoned the cool and breezy terrace for my hot room. Hooray.

But besides the aforementioned bee incident, I've had a really good past four days. The train ride over was actually super fun. It was five hours, but I was in a set of four seats that were facing each other, and I sat with buddy, another friend named Davon, and a guy on the trip named David.

And we talked pretty much the whole time about just whatever, and I feel like I made some really great friends over the weekend. I already liked Davon and Brenda, who I had been friends with before this weekend, but I hadn't talked much to David or another one of the guys on the trip, Dylan (the "You seriously got a sorority tattoo??" guy). And I for realz love them. They are just excellent people. When I was with that whole group, I was just constantly laughing. A favorite activity of mine.

David, Brenda, and Dylan

So what did I do in Praha, you ask?

Well, I stayed in a shitty hostel, where this was written on the bunk above me:

and my mattress was a box spring. Not a joke. I had one spring directly under my shoulder and another under my knee. Early arthritis, it's coming.

I also walked more than any human being ever should. We had three-hour tours every day, and then we would walk around until like nine or ten, minus sitting for lunch and dinner.

But aside from that!

I went shopping on Saturday after our morning tour and got everyone presents :) I wish I could tell you what they are!! But it is in fact a secret. But just know, family and boyfriend and BFF, I got some good'ns.

And we toured the palace that morning. Which was stupid beautiful. I kept daydreaming about what it would have been like to live there, way back when when you arrived there wearing a hoop skirt in your horse-drawn carriage. I want it!!

And then, AND THEN, we went to the Sex Machine Museum!! Of which, here are some highlights. Please, don't google these things. Meh, you won't have to. I'll show you pictures : D

-I watched a 1920s porno, in which nobody seemed to really know what they were doing.
-I learned what "sploshing" is.
-I also learned what a doll fetish is...you would think it would be sex with dolls. But no, children. It's where you dress up like a doll in a creepy mask and fake limbs and then do stuff. It doesn't even have to involve sex. The pictures I saw had the doll-people playing chess. Messed up.
-I discovered all sorts of fun genital piercings.
-I saw a pickle dick (dildo). That was probs my favorite.
-I got wonderful ideas for different machines to invest in in the future, such as: a giant wheel that you get strapped into, a rocking hammock, and a generous amount of metal restraint mechanisms. Delicious.
-I became an educated member (ha!!) of the "I know what butt-expander dildos look like" society. They're big. No really. Picture what you think a big dildo would look like. Then look at the pictures. Shocking, right?

The wheeeeeel

Do you see the pickle dick? Do you?? 

Unreal. I should have put something there for perspective. But it's about the length of my legs and the width of my torso.

It was awesome. It was so funny, and yet kind of frightening to think about how many people enjoy these things...
It was also only like seven bucks to get in. What a deal!

Dylan and I also made a trip to Erotic City. Hey, when you're in Europe, do as the Europeans do. Which means, stop giving two shits about sex, because everybody does it and trying to keep it a secret just fails. Nudity is much less shocking if it's just everywhere. But anyway, Erotic City was just a big ole sex store. I've never been in one before, so I don't know how it compares to U.S. stores, but it was super intense. I thought about getting boyfriend a pair of assless chaps (as a joke!) but decided against it.

So the trip back. We were in these little boxes that had six seats facing each other, and apparently it would just use up too much freaking fuel to turn the air conditioning on while we were sitting there for like, 10 minutes, and so it was horrifically hot. Here are some pictures of our misery faces:

David eating a hot burrito in a hot train car.

My red, sweaty face being unsuccessfully fanned by my flea market fan.

And then the train started moving, but the air conditioning situation did not particularly improve. But it's all good, cause then we found out they messed up our tickets and so we got moved to first class. BOOSH. Best train ride ever. LOOK AT THIS FOOTROOM. LOOK AT IT.

SOO MUUUUCH ROOOOOM

And then I had class today. The end.

Schönen Tag! Bis später!

God bless America, etc.

So! It's been a few days!

By the way, in case you didn't notice, I've kind of stopped with the travel blog titles and dates. I couldn't keep track of them and I kept putting the wrong ones and having to repost and it irked me. No more!!

I've been feeling better thus far. My anxiety has been manageable, and it hasn't been too too hot at night lately!

Today though....Jesus Christ. I didn't have like heat stroke or heat exhaustion or anything, but I was feeling super nauseated and unbelievably hot and just...not OK. And my skin was like a boiler. I put a cold towel on it and it was hot in seconds. And I was hydrated....it was just so goddamn hot. MISERY.

I tell you what, if the only good thing that comes of this trip is that I appreciate air conditioning, so be it. Because I really really do. At the Belvedere the other day, the air conditioning was super cold and I had goose pimples, but I have never been happier to have goose pimples in my LIFE. I was ecstatic.

So I don't know what to tell you guys, cause I have a lot of explanations on all my pictures (new ones coming soon, I promise! Probably after we get back from Prague) and I don't want to be redundant. So I have two things to share with you. Firstly, a poem-type thing I randomly wrote on my way to the institute the other day. Second, re-written words to God Bless America, in honor of the fourth of July!

Le poem:

In the city here

The putrid stench of shit

Invades your nostrils

Horse piss

Accosting

Wraps you in its stinging stink

And the worst animal

The human

The unforgiving odor

Of a day spent in heat

Of a day spent too close to others

Of a stubborn refusal

To wear deodorant

It's inescapable

These smells of the city

And yet, there is beauty here

In the architecture of days long past

The saturation of paint

Still coated on 

After thousands of years of wear

You can feel the history, smell it

Sweeter than the stench

Of a city better left in a different time

The sound of a train

That whips up a wind

Blows through the tendrils of your hair

Blessedly cooling

As it enters the tunnel

The voice of a beggar

Please, just 50 cents

You walk on

You can't spare even something

So insignificant

The thrum of hammers, drills

The incessant clink

Of metal on metal

You can feel the heat

Right into your heart

It plunges beneath your skin

Reflected from the pavement

It burns you to the core

It should sit on your skin

But all of these city things

The smells

The sights

The sounds

They worm their way inside you

And live

Even as you sweat

Even as a rare breeze

Sweeps in through your pores

They linger

They are a part of you now

And even as you scrub the day away

Even as you lie in bed

They return

And stay with you in your dreams

Until another tomorrow comes

And they grow stronger

Alive in you

God Bless America:

God bless America

Land that I love

Unlike Europe

You have syrup

Give a shout for waffle house

Hey, it's good!

Ice with water

Air conditioning

Toilets that don't smell

And are FREEEE

God bless America

The land for me

God bless America

Where I can peeeeeee

foooooooor

FREEEEEE!

Ok well I hope you enjoyed that....have a lovely day. I'ma be off to Prague in the morning. At 7:48 in the morning. Hooray. BUT the train is air conditioned. Worth it : )

Tschüss!

Gratitude is in order!

I have something to say.

THANK YOU.

Thank all of you.

I had no idea the amazing response I would get from my last post. I had a tidal wave of encouragement from so many friends, old and new, and even people I didn't know personally, and it was so wonderful.

Obviously, I was in a really really bad place the other night. Like, really bad. And I have received so many good ideas from people that I've written down and filed away to use when my anxiety creeps up, which inevitably it will. I also came across two books, The Four Agreements and The Flinch, which are both kind of just in general life-enhancing books but which I've found apply perfectly to my anxiety. The universe just knew, I guess. Everything happens for a reason!

But I've done a lot of thinking, and here is the new place where things stand: I think that if I left and came home that I would have a lot of trouble forgiving myself for leaving. And I would also probably feel even more pathetic and defeated than I did after my panic attack. But if I stay here, and battle it out with my anxiety, no matter how often and how intensely, I think I will get more out of it in the long run.

Easier said than done, but I'm hoping all the positivity I've received will last me.

I really really do want to stay here, because as I said before, this trip is as much about pushing myself and experiencing every feeling that I might have as it is about furthering my German.

So...I don't have much else to say, but I just wanted to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to have so much support and so many people to believe in me even when I don't believe in myself.

I love you all, and I will keep you updated all everything, good and bad, that happens!