Good news! (She's DEAAAD! The witch of the West is dead!)

I have good news for you, friends! I had a WONDERFUL weekend in Prague, or Praha as it's called in Czech. I had a few anxious moments, but it was overwhelmingly excellent. By the way, completely off the subject, but in the middle of writing that first sentence a bee flew into my neck quite violently and scared the shit out of me. So now I have abandoned the cool and breezy terrace for my hot room. Hooray.

But besides the aforementioned bee incident, I've had a really good past four days. The train ride over was actually super fun. It was five hours, but I was in a set of four seats that were facing each other, and I sat with buddy, another friend named Davon, and a guy on the trip named David.

And we talked pretty much the whole time about just whatever, and I feel like I made some really great friends over the weekend. I already liked Davon and Brenda, who I had been friends with before this weekend, but I hadn't talked much to David or another one of the guys on the trip, Dylan (the "You seriously got a sorority tattoo??" guy). And I for realz love them. They are just excellent people. When I was with that whole group, I was just constantly laughing. A favorite activity of mine.

David, Brenda, and Dylan

So what did I do in Praha, you ask?

Well, I stayed in a shitty hostel, where this was written on the bunk above me:

and my mattress was a box spring. Not a joke. I had one spring directly under my shoulder and another under my knee. Early arthritis, it's coming.

I also walked more than any human being ever should. We had three-hour tours every day, and then we would walk around until like nine or ten, minus sitting for lunch and dinner.

But aside from that!

I went shopping on Saturday after our morning tour and got everyone presents :) I wish I could tell you what they are!! But it is in fact a secret. But just know, family and boyfriend and BFF, I got some good'ns.

And we toured the palace that morning. Which was stupid beautiful. I kept daydreaming about what it would have been like to live there, way back when when you arrived there wearing a hoop skirt in your horse-drawn carriage. I want it!!

And then, AND THEN, we went to the Sex Machine Museum!! Of which, here are some highlights. Please, don't google these things. Meh, you won't have to. I'll show you pictures : D

-I watched a 1920s porno, in which nobody seemed to really know what they were doing.
-I learned what "sploshing" is.
-I also learned what a doll fetish is...you would think it would be sex with dolls. But no, children. It's where you dress up like a doll in a creepy mask and fake limbs and then do stuff. It doesn't even have to involve sex. The pictures I saw had the doll-people playing chess. Messed up.
-I discovered all sorts of fun genital piercings.
-I saw a pickle dick (dildo). That was probs my favorite.
-I got wonderful ideas for different machines to invest in in the future, such as: a giant wheel that you get strapped into, a rocking hammock, and a generous amount of metal restraint mechanisms. Delicious.
-I became an educated member (ha!!) of the "I know what butt-expander dildos look like" society. They're big. No really. Picture what you think a big dildo would look like. Then look at the pictures. Shocking, right?

The wheeeeeel

Do you see the pickle dick? Do you?? 

Unreal. I should have put something there for perspective. But it's about the length of my legs and the width of my torso.

It was awesome. It was so funny, and yet kind of frightening to think about how many people enjoy these things...
It was also only like seven bucks to get in. What a deal!

Dylan and I also made a trip to Erotic City. Hey, when you're in Europe, do as the Europeans do. Which means, stop giving two shits about sex, because everybody does it and trying to keep it a secret just fails. Nudity is much less shocking if it's just everywhere. But anyway, Erotic City was just a big ole sex store. I've never been in one before, so I don't know how it compares to U.S. stores, but it was super intense. I thought about getting boyfriend a pair of assless chaps (as a joke!) but decided against it.

So the trip back. We were in these little boxes that had six seats facing each other, and apparently it would just use up too much freaking fuel to turn the air conditioning on while we were sitting there for like, 10 minutes, and so it was horrifically hot. Here are some pictures of our misery faces:

David eating a hot burrito in a hot train car.

My red, sweaty face being unsuccessfully fanned by my flea market fan.

And then the train started moving, but the air conditioning situation did not particularly improve. But it's all good, cause then we found out they messed up our tickets and so we got moved to first class. BOOSH. Best train ride ever. LOOK AT THIS FOOTROOM. LOOK AT IT.

SOO MUUUUCH ROOOOOM

And then I had class today. The end.

Schönen Tag! Bis später!