Apartment 3707

Well hello.

I have GOT to start posting more often or else people are going to lose interest. 

Maybe they already have.

OH GOD what have I done???

Well, if you still love me, I finally finally have a blog post for you. And I am going to go back to posting once a week. There, I said it in writing, so hold me accountable.

Also, I would like to stop eating shitty food. HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE FOR BOTH. I DON'T WANNA BE FAAAAAT.

Good. Moving on.

Today I would like to tell you about a child. He is three or four years old, Indian, and lives in apartment 3707, right next door to my lovely boyfriend.

Although young, this kiddo has a full-time job. I'm totally serious. From about 7:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day. I know, it sounds like tough hours, but he handles it pretty well. He never seems to get tired. Nope. 

How do I know this you ask?

Because I freaking HEAR IT. All this kid does is scream, all day, every day. I wish I were exaggerating. But seriously, there are never any actual words in his communication. It's only, "BAGAAAAWAANAAAAAABRRRREEEEHHHHH."

I have never wanted to slap a child in the face before, but for real, he makes me insane.

What I would like to say to the parents:

"Oh, hello, you actually live in an apartment complex. That means living right next to five different people with thin walls. Anything you want to change about your lifestyle?"

"Not to tell you how to raise your kid or anything, but, DISCIPLINE."

What I would like to say to the child:

As John Green once said, "USE YOUR WORDS."

They also spend a good hour every morning from about 8 to 9 pounding around on something. It sounds like they're tenderizing meat, but why would you have to do that every day? They are just so inconsiderate and rude. We have called the complex twice and the cops once but this lil Indian family just KEEPS ON A'GOIN. 

My children will understand inside voices. They just will. Because it is not that freaking difficult to say, "Hey kid shut your face holes."

Or you could just do it like they did in Victorian times and put a bunch of Codeine in their cough syrup.

True story, bro.

I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL HUMP DAY.