Excuse me, I'm allergic to peanuts.

My best friend is allergic to peanuts. He really just is. I mean, if you ate peanuts and then made out with him, he would probably have an issue. 

But I like peanuts. And all nuts. And I eat them in front of him. 

AND HE IS ALIVE.

However, apparently the effects of peanut butter can be more detrimental than I initially thought.

There is a girl. She is in a class with two of my roommates. We will call her Unusually Sensitive Peanut Butter Girl. One day last week, Roommate A was eating a snack of graham crackers and peanut butter, five seats down from USPBG. After class, USPBG came up to her and asked, "Um, were you eating peanut butter during class?" And Roommate A said yes. And USPBG said, "You can't do that. I'm allergic, and I could smell it."

I would like to point out at this point that USPBG still has a nose. It is not, in fact, apparent that she had any kind of bad reaction to the peanut butter that she could so clearly smell. 

A few days later, Roommate A was hungry during class again, and all she had was a snack bar. Peanuts were the fifth ingredient, but she wanted to be courteous and make sure that she would not actually cause the death of this USPBG. So here is how the conversation went. 

Roommate A: Excuse me. I have snack bar, and I was wondering: if peanuts are the fifth ingredient—

USPBG: No.

Roommate A: .....Ok....I really like your shirt.

Here's the kicker. Not long after that, the boy that sits DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF USPBG ate a peanut butter Clif bar during class. Then, a pack of Nutter Butters. USPBG said nothing. Nothing at all.

So here are the choices. 

1. On Halloween, Roommates A and B go as Peanut Butter and Jelly, all out. Like, coat themselves. And then say, "Sorry, but we've had these costumes planned for MONTHS."

2. Next time Boy in Front of USPBG eats something with peanut butter, say (obnoxiously loudly), "Excuse me, but the girl behind you is REALLY allergic to peanut butter, and you can't eat those."

3. Have Roommate B get onto Roommate A about eating grapes (her new snack of choice), because she is EXTREMELY allergic.

I say number one. Anyone else? Bueller?