Allergic to the earth

Here is where I tell you about an exciting adventure in my life called being allergic to everything. Don't leave just yet—I promise it's funnier than it seems like it would be. First of all, please enjoy this picture of an example of my allergies. This is a reaction I had when a tiny tiny little bit of my shot serum got on my arm:

It blew up real big. The smaller square at the bottom is the actual shot site, which is a pretty big reaction in and of itself, but the giant square at the top outlines the reaction to the serum. It's kinda hard to see cause it was mostly just swollen and the redness had gone away at this point, but it took up half my upper arm. ANYWAY, just an example of the tragedy of allergies that I deal with.

So now the story begins...

I had this period of probably two years in high school when I was sick all the time. Literally, I just felt poopy for months at a time. And I would consistently lose my voice. Which is an issue, because I was in chorus, in plays, and in musicals. And after testing me for all the sicknesses, my dad was like, allergies? So we went to the allergy clinic.

Now, I'd had an allergy test once before when I was younger, and it was these rows of little needles and they pressed like five into my back at once. Which wasn't too too bad, cause at least it was over quick. And the needles were little. And I was only slightly allergic to cats and grass.

But hell opened up and swallowed me when I walked into this clinic. Shots are not my favorite, and by that I mean as an adult (pre-allergy shots) I would still get teary eyed whenever I got them. So, this hell involved 65 individual shots in my arms. No multi-mini-needle back pressers. No, no. Not this day. This was a day of terror.

So like, halfway through my second arm, I started feeling really funny. I was dizzy and felt like I was going to simultaneously puke and pass out, which would probably not be a good combination. And the nurse was like, "Lay back honey," and I was like, "What are you, crazy? Must. Keep. Self. Upright." But I ended up becoming semi-conscious in the chair and thus did end up laying back, and the next thing I know they're holding ammonia salts under my nose.

Yayyyyyy.

And then I had to go back to school in time for algebra class.

BUT not before the doctor came in and said, "Well...I do have some good news. (Not the best way to start a convo, doc) We're gonna get you all better. The bad news is, we tested you for 65 things, and you are NOT allergic to five."

So that was that. I went back to class with giant, red, bumpy arms. Super attractive.

And I was severely (not deathly, but pretty badly) allergic to trees/cats/dogs. Which is wonderful because I live with a dog and four cats. None of whom are allowed in my room anymore. And trees are, you know, everywhere. Maybe I should live in the desert.

So I got six shots a week for about a year, three twice a week, and now I'm FINALLY down to two shots every three weeks. Which is a massive improvement, because of my aforementioned fear. 

However, despite all my shots and daily doses of allergy pills, allergies still knock me on my ass at least once a semester. This past semester, I honestly thought I had the flu. I had a low-grade fever and felt nauseated and achy and gross and just lay in my bed and only got up to make soup. And when I finally went to the doctor, he was like, "Um, nothing is wrong with you. Here's some allegra. Take it."

And it CHANGED MY LIFE. Seriously, that shit was nuclear. It was a combo of allergy medicine and sudafed and it was 24 hours. I felt like a superhero. At that point, I could have joined the Avengers...as...The Girl Who Was Always Sick But Not Anymore.

So...um....moral of the story....if you feel like crap, take nuclear allegra, and you'll probably feel better. Unless it's like, the chicken pox. Then you are just up a creek without a paddle. Or a canoe. Or a flotation device. Metaphorically.