D-DAY! Travel Blog 1

June 22 into 23

I debated what I wanted to do with this blog when I transformed it temporarily into my traveling blog as opposed to my humor-based postings. And I decided that I'm just going to kind of share whatever happens and be open and honest about my experiences. And if it's funny, great. And if not, then whatevs.

So today. Or, yesterday. June 22. I woke up at like 5 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep cause my mind was going a million miles a minute. All I had to do was pee, but once I was up, my brain was like, "Oooo no no no, don't go back to sleep! Think of all of the things that could go wrong, over and over again. Also, keep going through a mental checklist to see if you have everything. You do? Are you SURE? Do it again."

GOD. So, I didn't quite get my eight hours. And then that whole day I kept going back and forth between excited and nervous. And when we finally got to the airport, I was so so so pumped, and then as I was saying good-bye to family and boyfriend, this horrible dread of fear came over me, and I started crying like an idiot. And then I cried through security, and then I cried at the gate, and then we switched gates, and then I stopped crying for a while because I found the other guy on the trip that had the same flight as I did.

And then we started talking to this German girl who had just finished a five-month study abroad program and had had this horrible airport experience of having her flight canceled and spending the night in D.C. and then driving to ATL. Poor girl. But I learned from her that German schools go pretty much all year, and have six weeks off in summer, two in fall, two in winter, and two in spring. Sounds legit to me.

And then they started boarding and that's when the panic really set in. I can't describe to you exactly what it feels like when I have a panic attack, but it's pretty goddamn terrifying. And so I'm sitting there crying. AGAIN. And I texted family and boyfriend and I was like, ok encourage me. NOW. And they all did. Thank god for them. And I got on the plane. And I am so so so proud that I did not get off because I tell you, that's allllll my mind was telling me to do. I was so afraid.

But then I met Tristan.

When I sat down, I said hi to the guy sitting in the window seat (21A). And he kind of mumbled something I couldn't understand, and I was like, "Crap, I can't tell if he's German or not." And I sat there for like ten minutes and finally said, "Sind Sie Deutscher? (Are you German?)" And he hesitates and goes, "Ich....lerne Deutsch.(I'm learning German)" And I was like, "Oh, thank god you're American!" Ane he said, "Thank god I was so nervous for a second!"

And his name was Tristan and he is my new best friend. Seriously. He's awesome. We were also the same person. Well, sorta. He's 15, a rising sophomore from New Jersey, his dad is German (hence his flying to Frankfurt, visiting his dad's friends) and his mom is Korean, he plays violin and likes classical music, he is allergic to everything just like I am, isn't a huge fan of chocolate just like I'm not, plays tennis, and if he's not weird and crazy like I am, he at least laughed at me and played along instead of staring at me like I'm a psycho. Also, we both love rage comics. It was super cool. So, my extreme crippling fear turned into a new friend. We took a picture as we were landing in Frankfurt:

New BFF!!

So, all in all, I'm really proud that I made it here, no matter how many pills I had to take, or how much I couldn't sleep. It's a huge step for me. Studying abroad is something I've always wanted to do, as foreign cultures interest me, but now that I'm dealing with my anxiety, it's also become a kind of radical way to say, "Hey, yeah, I have this stupid and annoying disorder that messes with me frequently, but it doesn't have to control me, and I can do something that scares me. I can."

Hell, I stayed on the plane, didn't I?