Life at high altitude

So this past week, I spent a couple of days with my mom, my little brother, and two of his friends at my family's cabin in Gatlinburg, TN. Even though Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and Dollywood are suuuuuper hokey, I always have an excellent time. You know me, though, and no experience ever happens in my life without its "WTF seriously" moments.

WTF seriously moment 1: 

I forgot all of my medication. Like, all of it. Birth control, anxiety pills, allergy pills, everything. So, after two days without all that, I felt like utter shit. I got up Friday, felt dizzy and groggy and sick to my stomach and proceeded to lay on the couch all day until we left. And driving in the car I felt totally fine, because the world actually WAS moving, and it wasn't just in my head. Lord.

WTF seriously moment 2:

I had a "dream"that a spider fell from the ceiling onto my pillow. I am deathly, deathly afraid of spiders. Like, I'm a level or four past arachnophobia. It's bad. And this "dream" seemed very, VERY real. So anyway, there was this shot of horror and disgust that ran rampant through my body and I thought, Must. Get. To other side of bed. To turn lamp on. And find spider. And kill it. Can't turn the lamp on over here. Don't want to be near the spider. 

So I fumbled my way across this king-sized bed to a lamp that doesn't actually exist. There is no lamp on that side of the bed. And so I'm groping the bed post looking for the goddamn switch and it's not there. Because it's not actually a lamp. And I am FUH-REAKING OUT at this point. Like, hyperventilating. And I get halfway across the headboard before I realize that the lamp does not hang over the bed, so I am not touching the lamp, and in fact there is no lamp, so I am touching the headboard... This is the first point that I realize that I'm awake. I literally had crawled across the bed. That was not a dream. And somehow, all the pillows were on the floor. All of them. They were on the bed when I went to sleep (45 minutes earlier. I should have been in deep sleep...WTF). So I got to the overhead light switch and turned it on and spent a good half hour looking for the dream spider. I did not sleep well that night.

WTF seriously moment 3: 

Turkeys. There were just turkeys outside our cabin. Here is a picture. 

It's just a fucking turkey. Walking around on top of a mountain like it's no big deal. He had a couple of turkey buddies but they had run ahead.

WTF seriously moment 4: 

As I said, Dollywood is a hokey place. Full of rednecks and bald eagles in a cage, etc. But really, Dollywood? A TWELVE-POUND pizza?? And I thought the pizza slices at the Village were big...but these bastards were a pound each:

Also, there was a thing called the "Twelve-pound challenge" where if you and a friend can eat an entire pizza in an hour, you get a season pass. That's it. One measly season pass, for what I'm sure would be the worst 24 hours of your life. Because let me tell you, that shit is greasy.

Also, I don't know if this counts as a moment, but my brother's friends are rather large men. So is my brother. So I, at 5'7", walked around Dollywood all day with a football player, lacrosse player, and former swimmer, all of whom are more than 6'2". Maybe I looked like a lady pimp. Cool.