But not this day.
I haven't showered at my apartment since before Thanksgiving break, and apparently one week is enough time to breed a fucking rainforest.
As I was puttin' the 'poo in my hair, I tilted my head back and noticed a very large spider in the ceiling corner above my shower. I did not like this, but he was on the side opposite my head, so I figured I would just grab my swiffer after I got out and murder him. No big deal.
Side note: I was actually very proud of myself for this, as I have a strong dislike for spiders. I thought it was a phobia, but then I felt a fear like I have never experienced before.
As I went to put the 'poo bottle back in its rightful place, I saw a creature which, even after confirming that it was in fact there, I still do not believe can exist on this planet. I cannot accept that a life form so disgusting found solace in my shower.
Look at your thumb. Back to me. Back at your thumb. Back to me. Your thumb isn't really that big in the grand scheme of things. But it suddenly seems bigger when it is comparable to the size of a centipede.
I have never gotten out of a shower faster in my life. I'm pretty sure I still have conditioner in my hair. I have just confirmed: I do still have conditioner in my hair.
I'm trying to be lighthearted about this, but I honestly did not realize just how terrified I was of those things. I never understood paralyzing fear until I saw the thumb-pede. That sounds ridiculous. And I feel ridiculous. But it's true. I had a legitimate panic attack and hyperventilated for about ten minutes, almost threw up, and somehow got dressed and made it to my couch where I am not moving from until Matthew gets here, which could be hours.
I kind of have to pee. And I need chapstick. And deodorant. But all that will just have to wait.
IT WILL JUST HAVE TO.
