So...I have the anger about a great many things, and I want to make myself feel better. I was going to make a satire of my life events since January but there are things that I don't want to put on the interwebs.
So how do I cease to be a giant squid of anger?
Apathy.
That is it. I need to give zero fucks about all things. Like little Jimmy, who ends his day with his bushel of fucks still in tact.
And obviously there are some things that I should still care about, but perhaps I need to put myself on a strict regimen of not caring about anything at all for a few days and then slowly add things back in. Like the South Beach diet. That is my life. The South Beach Diet of Giving No Fucks.
Let's begin.
What if: I'm thirsty?
No fucks given. I can live a few days without water. SO BE IT.
What if: I have to poop?
Nope. I don't. YOU DON'T CONTROL ME, BOWELS.
What if: someone hits me in the face?
I will turn the other cheek. Because I did not even care about the first one. I'm a regular Jesus.
What if: you're going to school in the morning and you have to get dressed?
Don't care. Going naked.
What if: someone you liked at one point in time is dating someone you hate?
I. WILL. NOT. CARE. ABOUT. THIS. OCCURRENCE.
What if: your boyfriend tells you he loves you?
I will say it back. Apathetically. (This one will probably be added back in first. Maybe after water and pooping)
What if: I get my finger caught in the door like I did the other day?
Finger, shminger. Move along.
What if: aliens do exist and they invade earth and go after my beloved cat but at the same time whales have figured out how to move about on land and are seeking me out because I'm wearing green and they thought I was krill but I'm not and the world has run out of vodka and peach schnaaps??
ZERO FUCKS I TELL YOU.
ZEROOOOOOOO.
hmmmm???
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