So remember how I sang you that song about how I hurt my back?
Right. So, I thought it was getting better but then two nights ago, Satan inserted his knife of pain into my lower spine. And boyfriend and I were watching Breaking Bad (OMG AUGUST 11 IS COMING I CANNOT EVEN) and I was just laying flat on the floor, 800 mg of ibu profen on board, just crying like a pathetic thing that is pathetic because it hurt so bad. Like, I honestly thought I was gonna vom cause I was in so much pain.
So I was like, OK OK I'll go to the doctor.
So I set an alarm for 9 a.m. cause that's when the Orthopedic Clinic opens and I called them and I was like, "Look, I'm in a whole lot of pain. Can you please see me today?" And somehow I received an appointment at 10:30.
I got there after a few wrong turns (stupid Opelika road) and was chillin in the waiting room and there was this dude sitting next to me, a black guy in his mid-30s I would guess, and he asked what was wrong. And I told him and we started talking and I told him I was from Chattanooga and they have really good sushi there (this will be important later).
Anyway, he gets called back, and then I get called back, and they tell me they're gonna do an x ray so I have to put on these SEXUAL shorts:
Oh yes. I kept them.
And then doctor man comes into see me, and he gets like halfway through saying, "Hi, how are you, my name is--" and then he lets out this LION'S ROAR of a yawn. Like, how rude right?? I was like, really? You're not even going to muffle it? Nope, he just opened his big ole mouth and let it out.
And then he sort of tapped around on my reflexes and pulled on my legs and finally was like, "Yeah, so you slipped a disk."
Which I already suspected, but then it was officially confirmed. I was diagnosed as a lil old lady.
So I took my hothothothot shorts and my pain med prescription and left Lion Man to go take a final. And I'm walking out, and I hear someone yelling at me. It was waiting room man. The following is a rough transcript of our conversation:
Waiting room man: HEY. HEY. So....*heavy breathing from running to catch up with me* what did they say?
Me: Oh, I slipped a disk.
WRM: Oh man, I know that hurts. I hope you feel better.
Me: Thanks.
WRM: Man!! You are GORGEOUS.
Me: .....Aww....well thanks.
WRM: You got a boyfriend?
Me: Yeah I do.
WRM: How long y'all been together?
Me: Two and a half years.
WRM: Wow. So I guess I can't give you my number.
Me: Uhhh...probably not....
WRM: Damn. I was gonna ask you to go get dinner. We could get sushi!
Me: Well you should still try it! It's great.
WRM: But I wanted to try it with you!!
Me: Well....sorry....nice meeting you....
And as I said, this dude is like approaching middle age, and in the waiting room we were talking about his job in Columbus teaching and I just assumed that he had, you know, a family and kids and that we were just talking but I guess he was hitting on me?
Oh well. It was still flattering.
And I guess, really, I would have been the cougar in this situation, not him.
HA. See, some old ladies still got it goin' onnnn!
Roar!!
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