Condition the air, Europe: Travel blog 4

June 28-29

People of America (who read my blog), you are going to participate in a moment of silence now. That is not a request. Take a moment and thank whatever god you worship, or whoever invented air conditioning, for air conditioning. Just stop reading, and say, "Thank you, god (or air conditioning man) (or both) for this wonderful cooling device that is so common in America and which we take for granted. I appreciate you for your methods of de-hot-iffying when it is 105 degrees outside, and I am so grateful that I am not IN AUSTRIA, WHERE THERE IS NO AIR CONDITIONING EVER."

Did you do it? Did you take that moment and give thanks?

Don't read on until you've done it, because seriously, this should be added to the moments of silence they have at baseball games or after the Pledge of Allegiance in school.

Ich bin allein. I am alone. In a large house in Austria. And all of my roommates and my house mother have traveled away. Probably to a place with air conditioning, curse them.

So I went shopping today, on this huuuuge street filled with extremely expensive shops where I received a lemon candy from a man pretending to be a statue. I think it's ok, though, cause he only did it when I dropped a Euro in his little box.

A whole Euro. Everyone else gave him 50 cent pieces. I am a saint, it's true. That's two bathroom visits, people, TWO. I could pee myself because of my saintliness.

But anyway, the bus/subway ride to the city wasn't too terrible, cause it wasn't that hot yet. But then it hit like 98 in the city, where there are many people and lots of black asphalt to kindly reflect the boiling hot sun onto you. And I literally am surprised that I am alive right now. I didn't think I would make it. The subway ride back was bad, but then I got on the bus.

I want you to imagine, for a moment, that it is 98 degrees outside and you've been walking around all day. Got it? OK. Now imagine that you step onto a bus that is 110 degrees. Satan might be driving this bus. Actually, Satan might BE the bus, that's how hot it is. Now try and take a breath. YOU CAN'T. It burrrrrns you. And you're out of water. And all you have to fan yourself is a measly little map of Viennese subways.

How much does that suck??

The suck present in this situation cannot be measured. It is immeasurable.

Also, this Satan bus was packed with people who smelled like butthole. And I am the last stop.

Good times here in Vienna...

Bis später! Enjoy your air conditioning!