I don't like that you're happy all the time

I have a really bad habit of associating myself with people who are crazy. And I used to say to myself, "Kelly, you let this happen again? How did you not SEE?" Well, self, I have taken some time to reflect, and I decided to make a list of key attributes that will denote a person who is straight up cray. I hope that this will help others to not make the same dumb mistake that I made over and over again, and that you will be successful in finding non-psycho friends/boyfriends/girlfriends.

When someone tells you they want to fight with you...

...they cray.

If someone ever says, "I've just been waiting to start a fight with you," run. Like, really really far away. I don't care how long you have been friends with this cray or how close you two are, people who pick fights do not make for good relationships. Fact.

When someone tells you they don't like something about you that you can't/don't want to change...

...they cray.

I once had someone tell me—multiple times—that she didn't like that I was happy all the time. And she asked me to stop...that's not even a joke. You would think that would be a joke, but it just was not. I mean, I like my life and so I am excited about it. I was not aware that being a happy person pissed people off. But alas, it makes the crays suuuuper angry. 

When someone judges you outright for something he/she has also done...

...they cray.

And also a hypocrite. If this ever happens to you, again, running away is your best option. I feel like I'm in Monty Python and the Holy Grail right now....RUN AWAYYYYY!!!

But seriously. Do it.

When someone tries to control your behavior...

...they cray.

If folks are telling you they don't want you to say or do certain things and it hasn't yet offended anyone else, tis not you that has the problem, friend. You shouldn't have to stop doing/saying non-offensive things for someone else. If they can't accept it, move along.

And just in general, if you have a bad feeling about someone, GO WITH YOUR GUT. I know, that's not like a concrete thing that you can make into a formula to detect crays, but this is where I have failed every single time. For every cray I've ever known, I've thought to myself, "I don't know about this person...but my other friends seem to like him/her and we do have things in common...so I guess it's fine." 

It is not fine. You will inevitably have things in common with everyone, and sometimes your other friends may have bad judgment. Perhaps they have not dealt with crays...I have. So, trust me, if that happens, say, "Ok, gut, I hear you. I'ma trust you." And maybe you will tragically miss out on an awesome relationship. But more likely you will luckily avoid potentially years of suck. Avoid the suck. Avoid it!