Help me Freud

I don't think you understand. I have the weirdest dreams ever. Not like, "Oh, Kelly, that's a bit strange," but like, "Is there a mental institution still in service?" I will enlighten you. If you have any ideas, for the love of god, tell me what they mean....

The toilet dream.

I have a recurring-ish dream about toilets. It's always about the same thing, but not in the same place. I am always in a bathroom where the toilets are sick nasty. Overflowing, etc. In one dream, a toilet actually spat at me. In the most recent toilet dream I had, all the toilets were overflowing and so I peed on a long block of wood that had been hollowed out in the middle so the pee could flow through it. Because that makes sense.

The pirate ship dream.

This is not recurring. This only happened once, by the grace of god.

I am walking across a river with my brother and Jesus. Jesus is in the middle and we are holding hands with him. I feel I should mention that we are walking ON the water. Probably because Jesus is with us. We get about 50 feet from the pirate ship and Jesus tells us that he can't go any farther with us, and to continue walking on water to get there we must grill six hot dogs. A grill rises from the river and we do so. When we get to the pirate ship, we must not be seen by all the naked people swimming around it. Our mission is to dismantle all the airplanes on the top deck and fill the cannons with the dismantled airplane parts.

That is not a joke. That was my dream. We completed the mission successfully, in case you were wondering.

The disney character dream.

I had this dream like two days ago. I was staying in a hotel, and everyone had brought their kittens with them. "Everyone" being the people in the hotel. There was some kind of convention going on where you painted your kitty to look like a disney character (that sounds bad. Kitty as in a baby cat. Not a vagina.). I remember passing one painted as Ursula and thinking it was scary. Philip Lutzenkirchen was there, just like the rest of us, to paint up his kitten. Because that's just what football players do. Duh.

Seriously, what is up with my subconscious? Thoughts??

PS: Completely unrelated, but this just happened as I was retrieving my lean cuisine from the fridge before I proofread this post. Roommate keeps panty liners on top of our fridge because, I don't know, it's convenient I guess. And I accidentally knocked them off. They fell behind the fridge and SOMEHOW the box stayed upright. I celebrated this minor victory and then went to pull the box out, and it flipped over. The result:

Panty liners all up in this bitch. Really? Really??

Anyway, let me know your thoughts on my dreams. Or the panty liner incident. Whatever kills your mockingbird.